Me and My One and Only!

Me and My One and Only!
My Best Friend!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

"My Special Gift!"

My Special Gift!!

Christmas is FAST approaching! Every year since I miscarried, I have dreamed of finding out I am pregnant a few days before Christmas so I can put together a sweet gift for my husband or family letting them know I am carrying this precious little baby! Well this year again I don’t have that to share~

This year I have been pondering on is that dreaded question “What would you like for Christmas”? And honestly I have everything I need!! A GREAT husband, Family and Special Friends and blessed with a Special Spiritual mom. Of course there is that one special gift we would LOVE to have. I just keep telling myself that God is holding on to that special gift for an extra special day!

A couple of weeks ago I got through my first week of clomid fertility meds and it went good! I also had ovulation testing to se if they worked. Well days went by with an empty circle. I was getting very frustrated! Ever since I miscarried I hated taking pregnancy tests because I dreaded getting that negative sign (which happened A LOT) so as the days went by with a negative result, my disappointment was increasing. It was he last day for my ovulation predictor and I just thought "I am ready to just throw this kit out my window because it isn’t even WORKING!" But of course I don’t and I wait patiently (NOT) for my results and as I go to check the results I already told myself that it was going to be an empty circle so I don’t get upset or surprised! As I check it I had to double look and I screamed FINIALLLLLLY it worked! Better late then never I guess, rite!!! I got my Smiley face!

Now is that FUN waiting game of seeing if now I will be able to either start my period naturally or get that LOVELY positive pregnancy blood test. I know my emotions during the holidays are so up and down BUT there is one thing I have ALWAYS been able to count on. God's plans are so much better than our own! He knows what is best for my family and me. Even though I have this dream of when and how I would love to share with my family and friends of our special news, I would rather it be His plan. (I tend to mess things up on my own, anyway!) With a God I can always count on, I know His timing is perfect for everything! And he knows when that perfect day will be and how it will be! Like I said before I truly believe God is saving our special gift for an extra special day! And whenever that day will be I know it will be just as perfect or even BETTER then I have ever dreamed of!

I Pray that This Christmas ALL of u will Hold dear your Family and Friends!!! And remember 2 things its not what you get it, it is who you are with!! And we are to rejoice because we are celebrating a VERY Special Birthday!!! Remember Jesus is the TRUE reason for the season!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-6 (Contemporary English Version)

Everything Has Its Time

 1Everything on earth    has its own time
   and its own season.
    2There is a time
   for birth and death,
   planting and reaping,
    3for killing and healing,
   destroying and building,
    4for crying and laughing,
   weeping and dancing,
    5for throwing stones
   and gathering stones,
   embracing and parting.
    6There is a time
   for finding and losing,
   keeping and giving,

Thursday, December 2, 2010

"Trying to believe!"

November 5th was the big day for my husband and I to find out our results from our testing with the Specialist! The week leading up to it was such a crazy week of emotions! A few times I felt so overwhelmed about the outcome!! I knew that there was a possibility that we would hear the words we didn't want to hear. Perhaps there was no hope and we would never have our baby. So my human flesh side was coming out with fear and thinking God what Kind of faith do I walk in that office with?? The Faith that everything is going to be great and just Claim it? Or walk in there and try not to expect anything because at least I won’t be leaving with a broken heart. A broken heart is what I feared the most.

One night that week I wrote my spiritual mom and shared with her my feeling and asked her to pray for me. She wrote back and told me to take a “Deep Breath and Give it to God” Sometimes when we get caught up in the emotions of it all, we just need someone to say "HEY...remember who you serve. Step back for a moment, breathe, and GIVE IT TO GOD!" Its not easy to do but boy did I need to breathe! And I know my God could give me the everlasting Breath that I needed at the moment.

Appointment day came and man I can't tell you how nervous I was! I knew they had one more treatment to do and then we would get the results of everything. My Hubby and I were very anxious! We just kept saying that bible verse “Philippians 4:6 (New American Standard Bible) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God”. Got all the results and they said everything looks good internal, blood tests came back good, Daniels tests came back good too! So the only thing they believe is my problem is ovulation, not ovulating naturally.

You are most likely thinking “That’s GREAT news!” And it was because it could have been so much worse. But my first reaction was “wow good news, but man I am back to where I was in the beginning of this journey” Back on the Meds, and the percentage they are telling me with girls that have PCOS of being able to conceive and carry full term is less then 50%. So hearing all that just scared me and I felt myself going back to that emotional state of mind, here we go again! I had so many people texting me and trying to see what happened at the doctors and I ignored it because I didn’t feel ready to talk to anyone about it. I still was trying to figure out how I was feeling. I finally started to text people back and let them know, and I got some great feed back from some great friends! They were just reminding of what kind of God we serve! And what he has told me in the past! I ended up talking to my spiritual mom for a bit and she just kept telling me I was going to be ok and that God is Bigger and he has a plan! When I got off the phone I just sat there and cried out to God with tears rolling down my cheeks saying “God I TRUST you I do, but this Journey hurts so bad! I don’t know how much more I can take, I need you now more then ever” When I was able to get that out I felt an overwhelming peace come over me! And I heard him whisper to me “that he hears my cry and he is standing in the midst of our journey”
I know God has a plan for me and Daniel!! And going through this is NOT easy and it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. When you are going through something like this your emotions are so up and down! I can’t imagine going through everything that I am without God's peace and knowing and learning Who I TRULY am in Christ! With my faith I can lean on that! Because I know God does have a plan for me. But without him I would feel so lost and sad, and maybe even worthless. A lot of people believe you grow up get married and have babies! And if you don’t have babies they begin to ask, all the "whys" and whens" which is the HARDEST thing to answer. I am blessed to have a God that Loves me for ME and have friends and family that can help carry me when I feel like I can’t walk through this storm anymore.
I believe when you are faced with challenges such as mine we do have that choice to stand on the faith that God knows what is best for Us! There are days where you can't see past the hurt you feel at that moment. Like when you find out that some of your closest friends are pregnant. It takes your breath away for a bit. But then I stop myself and say “wait a minute I am not them I am Angie! And God has a special plan just for me! It is ok!” Because I am TRULY a Child of the King! And I was made in His Perfect Imagine and he has a Perfect Plan for my life and my family!

At twenty years of age i'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But you've already won the battle
And you've got great plans for me
Though i can`t always see

`cause i got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own i'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders i can see
I'm free to be me

When i was just a girl i thought i had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and i'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes i would doubt

`cause i got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own i'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders i can see
I'm free to be me

Sometimes i believe that i can do anything
Yet other times i think i've got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and you tell me
That i've got all you seek
And it`s easy to believe
Even though

`cause i got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own i'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders i can see
I'm free to be me

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

"Changed from the Inside Out!!!"

Well guys I have finally been able to get everyone ALL caught up to where I am now in my life with my Goliath Experience!!!

The last few weeks have been hard because the Doctors kept taking my blood for my glucose levels! They were nervous because they weren’t extremely high but high enough to want to send me to a high risk specialist if the levels stayed that way! The only thing that was going through my head was that the last 6 months spent losing all this weight was not only to look great but to avoid becoming diabetic and putting me and my baby at risk! During this time people kept telling me it would be ok and that everyone has it! I just thought "are you serious right now"? They were doing all they could to justify having diabetes to me. I think they wanted to calm my fears and show support but honestly it wasn’t working! If anything it was making me a upset. I know everyone thought if it was genetic there isn't much that can be done but I know without a doubt that my God is bigger than diabetes. I can break that cycle of being unhealthy and get my body in line again and right where it needs to be! I wasn’t going to let the genetics factor keep me unhealthy. I was really scared about this and praying really hard and asking God to please take control of this! After my last set of blood work I got the call that my numbers were normal and I will not be sent to a high risk specialist!!! And I DON’T have Diabetes!! I was SO excited and told the lady on the phone you don’t know how happy you just made me!!

When I was originally approached by my mentor Staci Wallace she knew about all the difficulties I was having with my health and trying to get pregnant. For her the main concern was my health and the weight I was gaining through all this. She introduced me to the program she put together called the Ultimate Body Makeover. I have to say I was tried of being unhealthy and the possibility of pregnancy (or not) and the weight gain if indeed I became pregnant. I got so tired of being where I was physically and mentally. So when she was talking to me about it, I was all for it! When I began the program I really didn’t take it very serious the first 2 weeks. I really had to convince myself to do this; not just to lose the weight but to help me mentally and spiritually! I was ready for a complete change in my life!!! I knew that if I really wanted this to work I had to believe that this was not just a weight loss program for me but a life-change program, involving my mind, my body, and my spirit! I not only wanted people to see the weight loss but to notice a difference in me, inside and out!!

Going through the program was amazing. I was able to deal with some deep emotional issues!! I lost 36 pound in 90days. God did some amazing things in me and through me with this program! I not only got my body back but I was able to learn how to handle some of the emotions that I was feeling through all my circumstances!

I am still battling with my weight and have lots I still want to lose! I keep reminding myself “I am worth it and want to feel good about myself again." Having issues of conceiving truly takes its toll emotionally and physically. When you are dealing with a condition such as mine, emotions of fear, sadness, loss, broken heart , etc. just set right in. Combine that with the weight you have gained and you become self conscious and unhappy with yourself. I had to get to a place where I would trust God and be happy in my circumstances with or without a baby! It was time to get ME back! I needed to be obedient and move forward in whatever direction God chose for me! I wake up every morning and make the choice to see past my circumstance and tap into the supernatural. I talk to myself before Satan does and say “I am a child of the King!! And Made in HIS perfect Image! He Knows JUST what he is doing!! I am in the BEST hands possible!”
"Skin Deep" …ZoeGirl

Sometimes I feel lost
In a sea of insecurity
That rages inside of me
So terribly caught
And the waves of self-rejection
Make me question my ability

But there's a fire that always burns
And there's a voice inside
And all it wants is to be heard

'Cause beyond skin deep
There's so much more to see
My hopes, my dreams designed with destiny
I was fashioned with passion
A burning desire to know the One who made me more
He made me more than skin deep
'Cause I am more, I am more than skin deep
So much more

It's so hard to change
When we are captive to ourselves
Always thirsty for something else
But free or enslaved
We are sons, we are daughters
Called out by the Father's name

So take the fire and let it burn
Unleash the voice inside
'Cause everyone needs to be heard

We are more than the future
We are more than the past
We were made to bring glory
Given souls that will last
We are more than our bodies
We are more than the grave
We were bought by His blood
And from ourselves we've been saved

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

"Forever Faithful!!!"

first class to learn all about the process we were about to face. It took two hours and MAN was that a LONG LONG 2 hours! They gave us so much information, and I left there kind of overwhelmed. They reviewed all the different procedures they will want us to go through, before we can even sit down with the specialist.

I really wanted to see how my hubby was feeling about all this and his thoughts. Well I think we were all just drained and tired emotionally. He didn’t have much to say.

Come to find out he started to have some strong emotions about us having such difficulty conceiving. Some of the things he said hurt me. I know what he said wasn’t meant to hurt me but it did. I started to realize that through all this we were both having such strong emotions, and maybe we wouldn’t understand or knew how to express our feelings to each other. So I decided we should go see a counselor. I believed that these emotions were normal and it was okay to have them, but we needed a safe place to really get them out. We really did not know how to express these feelings to each other! And when we did it ALWAYS came out wrong. We really needed someone to tell us these feelings were ok, and THIS is the correct way to handle them and then we could move forward.

Luckily I have an amazing husband that would do anything for his marriage! He was completely willing to go and be honest, and learn what we needed to do to move forward. I think he is amazing because I know a lot of men that wouldn’t dare to go see a counselor.

We made our first appointment for the list of procedures! I had to have blood work done and a HSG (Hysterosalpingogram). This procedure is a piece of cake for some and others have to be on 1000 ml. of Ibuprophin to deal with the pain. Of course I KNEW where I would be. I was so nervous about this procedure!! I have never had ANY type of procedure done before! I couldn’t find anyone to go with me, so my mom moved her schedule around to take me.

Through all my anxiousness about this procedure I had some great support. People really were there for me and it meant so much. I think my emotions about this procedure were not only scary because I don’t handle pain well, but I knew this was just the next step in finding out what is going on in my body. So the night before I was a basket case! My spiritual mom was there for me and able to pray with me and we agreed that everything would be ok, because He (God) was in control and there with me! The day came for my procedure and I got there with a bundle of nerves! I kept telling the doctors to be nice and that I was extremely nervous! For me the procedure was very painful and not fun. I actually got really sick after it was all done. They did tell me that they found one of my Fallopian Tubes where blocked and were able to work on it and get it to reopen!!

Leaving there I felt like I was finally making progress with my situation! By them finding the problem with my tube...well it just made it so worthwhile. Like I said before, I am willing to go through all this because I need to know what is going on with me. I need to know which direction we need to go next, because for so long we felt like we were in the dark. Now I was given the opportunity to find out what is going on and what a blessing for us, no matter the results!

I am going to go through ALL this with my hands raised high to the sky worshiping my God in Spirit and in Truth!! The AMAZING part is that I know I have some AMAZING people in my life that when I feel like I can’t raise them up anymore they come along side of me and hold them up for me! I heard someone say that “When you see it the least out there, God is working the most where you can’t see it!” This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to face in my life. I have to say not only is it the HARDEST but it is also the MOST rewarding! I am able to truly see Gods handy work in this! And how faithful he is in EVERYTHING!

"Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

"Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
"Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
"Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
"Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

"Holding on 4 the ride!"

Coming Home to tell my hubby the news made me nervous! I knew the last few months his emotions of wanting to start a family had been very high! There were even comments he made, that adoption was great to think about but he just wanted his OWN baby! The emotions I started to see in my hubby were the same emotions I was feeling after I miscarried. Nothing would satisfy me other then having my OWN baby, something we both created, our own offspring.

The last year or so I have truly been at peace of where my life was. After losing the weight I j finally started to feel good about myself again! I still wanted a baby and it was on my mind, but I felt like I grieved for 2 years after I miscarried! Those 2 years were so hard on me emotionally, spiritually, and physically. So this past year I made a choice to just stop worrying about it! And just TRULY leave my hopes and dreams of having a family in God's hands! So I didn’t show a whole lot of emotion about getting pregnant! My husband thought that I didn’t care anymore or even wanted to get pregnant. This was not the case at all. I just felt I had to get to a place in my life where I was ok wherever I was, with or without a baby! I knew it would have made me crazy to stay on that emotional roller coaster. Every time I missed a period my hubby would get happy and make me take a pregnancy test even though I KNEW I wasn’t Prego! And of course I would, dread taking it because I knew it would be negative, and I would hate to tell him that! I knew he would get his hopes up and it would just upset him.

I noticed my emotions of not being able to conceive were changing. I was not only sad for myself but I wasn’t able to give the one man in my life that I love dearly the GREATEST Gift of ALL! I started to talk to my spiritual mom about this. I knew I didn’t want to get back onto that roller coaster ride of emotions! So I knew she would be able to help me! She shared with me that if it came down to where I could not conceive a baby, it wouldn’t make me less of a wife! Or a Women! And she reminded me that I didn’t just get married to have babies! I got married because I LOVED him and wanted to be with him! She also reminded me that Gods plan is so much better then ours! If the doctor tells me I could not conceive or be able to carry to full term that GOD has the final say, not the doctors.

I got the courage to tell my hubby what the doctor said and it was a bitter sweet conversation! He was upset and sad! But then also we both agreed that by seeing a specialist I would be able to truly find out what is going on with me!! I told him the process we will have to go through! We would have to go to a class in Sacramento for a couple of hours where they would go over ALL the procedures they want me to go through and even the tests they will do on him! Then after those are done we will be able to sit down with the specialist and they will then go over all the results and determine what the next step should be for us!

During this time the Lord reminded me of a song and a scene from the movie “Facing the Giants” Where Brooke (the Wife) walked out of the Doctors office after they told her she wasn’t pregnant(so she thought). She got to her car in tears and looked up to the Lord and said “ I WILL still love you!! I will STILL love you!” A song start to play called "Completely" by Ana Laura.

The secret of life is letting go
The secret of love is letting it show
In all that I do, in all that I say
Right here in this moment

The power of prayer
Is in the humble cry
The power of change
Is in giving my life
And laying down
Down at your feet
Right here in this moment

Take my heart, take my soul
I surrender everything to your control
And let all that is within lift up to you and say
I am yours and yours alone, completely

This journey of life, is a search for truth
This journey of faith, is following you
Every step of the way, through the joy and the pain
Right here in this moment
I am yours and yours alone, completely

I am Standing on that Song! And I WILL STILL love the Lord No matter the out come of these tests! I know that he is there with me every step of the way! And I am His Completely! Through all the joy and even ALL the pain!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Learning to Dance in my Storm!

As you can imagine I had so many emotions going on! Luckily I had some great people in my life that were able to really be there for me and hear me when I was angry and frustrated and asking the questions of “Why Me”. The main thing that was going on in my head was “Wow, my husband and I did the right thing, we waited for marriage, we both had good jobs, and lived in our own place, we were active in our church!” Just every bit of the puzzle was put together and the ONLY thing missing was our lil baby!
My feeling towards God wasn't anger, but I felt I was just hurt! I never shook my fist at God, I could never do that! NO matter how much pain I was in, I knew deep down inside God didn’t do this to hurt me or punish me! I was STILL a child of His and He wanted nothing more then to see me happy! But that didn’t mean my life was going to be perfect.

There were days I woke up ok and happy and smiling and singing! But then there were also those days where I didn’t want to get out of bed. There were days that I couldn’t see a mommy or a baby and just start to cry! At times I could just be sitting on the couch and start crying. It was one of the hardest emotional roller coasters I have ever been on! Because I felt that my faith in the Lord should just take ALL this pain away. Everything I have learned over the years about my heavenly Father should have made this trial easier to go through. But my flesh would step in and so many days I couldn’t see past my pain and truly felt like something was missing! I mean I know I was only 12 weeks along but after seeing those little arms and legs, that little one became a part of me immediately!
My mentors and closest friends and family truly became my Rock! They just kept reminding me of who I was in Christ and that this pain I was feeling was real but that God has a bigger plan! And to Stand Strong on His word!

With time we realized that my body did not regulate after the miscarriage and I started to miss periods several months at a time. Every time my period was late I took a home pregnancy test. I knew that I must be pregnant, so I began to rationalize the negative results. I told myself the tests were wrong. Unfortunately every time I went to get a blood test, the results were always negative.

I don't know what the cause was, but every time I thought I was pregnant I began to gain weight. I wanted to be pregnant so badly so I think my body responded to my want! At one point I didn’t have my period for 6 months and I got very frustrated with my body. My doctors started to throw around ideas that I wasn't conceiving because I was overweight, too stressed out, or my hormones were off. They did blood work and kept telling me everything was normal. I thought to myself I need to just suck it up and realize that I have gained a lot of weight through all this!! I joined this program called the Ultimate Body Makeover created by one of my mentors. I lost 10-15 pounds and nothing really changed with my body when it came to regulating. I went back to the doctor about a month later and she said it wasn’t enough of a weight loss and I just need to stop stressing! It will just happen. Well I continued losing weight I ended up losing 36 pounds in 90 days! At this point, it didn't matter if the weight loss regulated my cycle or not. I just started to feel better about myself and I needed to do this for me. I was so tired of going ito see this doctor with no results. I switched doctors and finally found a doctor that was willing to look into it deeper! And this doctor came to the conclusion that I had P.C.O.S. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I felt so relieved that I finally had some direction of what was going on in my body! I went home and I researched it and found out it was very common but it was not curable. The doctor put me on 3 different types of meds to help regulate me and get me to ovulate! I had great hopes that this was going to work for me!! My body started to feel normal again but still no pregnancy! I went back in for a regular check up and the doctor told me some sad news, that the meds they gave me were not working. The next step was a fertility specialist. All that was going through my head was “wow, just another bump in my journey” But through ALL this I have decided that no matter what, I am going to TRUST God and hold on to His Promises! I am in the BEST hands. My heavenly Father's Hands!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

In everything I will give u Praise!

On June 10th 2006 my husband and I got married and 6 months after we decided to start trying to have a baby! And at the end of June 07 I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant! My husband and I were SOOO happy! We told everyone! And then when I went in for my first check up at the end of July, the doctor said everything looks great and normal. So they sent me to get our first Ultrasound and see the heart beat! When we got in there they started to examine me and we got to see our baby for the first time! It was an amazing feeling to know that I had this BEAUTIFUL creation in me growing, and I haven’t even met him or her yet but I KNEW I loved him or her so much! Well that doctor never said anything to me about the heart beat or anything much for that matter! Other then there was good blood flow. She said she was not allowed to tell me anything unless the doctor was there, so I would have to wait. She gave us our baby’s first picture!! I held on to that picture with everything I had and couldn’t stop looking at it! I was just in such amazement that this was our little baby!! I remember that night going with my mom and Daniel to the store and looked at ALL the baby stuff! And thinking well if it is a girl I want this! BUT if it is a Boy I want this!! I was just getting all excited! And I wanted to start planning now! But soon the planning came to an end. About a week or so after I got the worst call you can get from your doctor about your baby. He told me he didn’t have good news and that the reports from the ultrasound came back and said there was no heart beat! He wanted me to come in the office within a couple hours and have a DNC. Well at that point I was just in shock and it felt like a nightmare and all I said was I needed to call you back! As I hung up the phone I was at a friend’s house and I just broke down sobbing and saying I don’t know what to do! So a friend called my husband and told him for me since I couldn’t even get myself to say the words. He was a few hours away working and there was NO way he could make it in time. I couldn’t see myself going through with this procedure without him. So I called my mom and told my mom what the doctor said and all she kept telling me is just to pray, God can bring life back into your baby, don’t go do the DNC and how do you know that they were wrong and the baby is fine. I had a few people in my life that told me they wouldn’t stand by me if I went through the DNC. At this point I didn’t know what to do! I knew what God could do but then I also knew what the doctor was telling me. I needed to get the baby out as soon as possible in case of infection. Trying to figure out what was best for me and the baby was so hard because I did know God could heal my baby! But I also knew that as hard as it was for me to accept, this also could be part of His plan. So during the next few hours I got a lot of calls and guidance and opinions! At some point I stopped answering my phone and only answered it for certain people, because I started to feel very overwhelmed. I KNEW that hearing everyone else’s opinion even if it came from their heart and meant well was just confusing me. So after a long night of crying and feeling like my life was at an end, my husband and I came to a decision! We chose to wait one more week and really pray and intercede for our baby and the healing we knew our God could do! But that following week we would do another ultrasound and if there still was no heart beat we would go through with the DNC. And at least I knew I did what I had to do with my faith and with the medical advice of the doctors. The week went by and I still didn’t miscarry naturally but we had lot of people praying and believing that whatever happened it would be HIS will. Well the night before we had to go back to the doctor for the ultra sound I started to miscarry. I was very nervous and anxious because I knew in my heart this was God's plan and He truly answered my prayer! Through all of this He gave me the most amazing peace that passes ALL understanding! I was not angry or upset during this time. I just truly felt at peace! I ended up at the hospital the next morning due to blood loss. Being at the end of my first trimester I just wanted to make sure everything was ok. So I miscarried the baby at the hospital with no problems. They did a complete check up and said I did not need the DNC. My body passed everything naturally and I was good to go. Little did I know that my journey was only beginning!