On June 10th 2006 my husband and I got married and 6 months after we decided to start trying to have a baby! And at the end of June 07 I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant! My husband and I were SOOO happy! We told everyone! And then when I went in for my first check up at the end of July, the doctor said everything looks great and normal. So they sent me to get our first Ultrasound and see the heart beat! When we got in there they started to examine me and we got to see our baby for the first time! It was an amazing feeling to know that I had this BEAUTIFUL creation in me growing, and I haven’t even met him or her yet but I KNEW I loved him or her so much! Well that doctor never said anything to me about the heart beat or anything much for that matter! Other then there was good blood flow. She said she was not allowed to tell me anything unless the doctor was there, so I would have to wait. She gave us our baby’s first picture!! I held on to that picture with everything I had and couldn’t stop looking at it! I was just in such amazement that this was our little baby!! I remember that night going with my mom and Daniel to the store and looked at ALL the baby stuff! And thinking well if it is a girl I want this! BUT if it is a Boy I want this!! I was just getting all excited! And I wanted to start planning now! But soon the planning came to an end. About a week or so after I got the worst call you can get from your doctor about your baby. He told me he didn’t have good news and that the reports from the ultrasound came back and said there was no heart beat! He wanted me to come in the office within a couple hours and have a DNC. Well at that point I was just in shock and it felt like a nightmare and all I said was I needed to call you back! As I hung up the phone I was at a friend’s house and I just broke down sobbing and saying I don’t know what to do! So a friend called my husband and told him for me since I couldn’t even get myself to say the words. He was a few hours away working and there was NO way he could make it in time. I couldn’t see myself going through with this procedure without him. So I called my mom and told my mom what the doctor said and all she kept telling me is just to pray, God can bring life back into your baby, don’t go do the DNC and how do you know that they were wrong and the baby is fine. I had a few people in my life that told me they wouldn’t stand by me if I went through the DNC. At this point I didn’t know what to do! I knew what God could do but then I also knew what the doctor was telling me. I needed to get the baby out as soon as possible in case of infection. Trying to figure out what was best for me and the baby was so hard because I did know God could heal my baby! But I also knew that as hard as it was for me to accept, this also could be part of His plan. So during the next few hours I got a lot of calls and guidance and opinions! At some point I stopped answering my phone and only answered it for certain people, because I started to feel very overwhelmed. I KNEW that hearing everyone else’s opinion even if it came from their heart and meant well was just confusing me. So after a long night of crying and feeling like my life was at an end, my husband and I came to a decision! We chose to wait one more week and really pray and intercede for our baby and the healing we knew our God could do! But that following week we would do another ultrasound and if there still was no heart beat we would go through with the DNC. And at least I knew I did what I had to do with my faith and with the medical advice of the doctors. The week went by and I still didn’t miscarry naturally but we had lot of people praying and believing that whatever happened it would be HIS will. Well the night before we had to go back to the doctor for the ultra sound I started to miscarry. I was very nervous and anxious because I knew in my heart this was God's plan and He truly answered my prayer! Through all of this He gave me the most amazing peace that passes ALL understanding! I was not angry or upset during this time. I just truly felt at peace! I ended up at the hospital the next morning due to blood loss. Being at the end of my first trimester I just wanted to make sure everything was ok. So I miscarried the baby at the hospital with no problems. They did a complete check up and said I did not need the DNC. My body passed everything naturally and I was good to go. Little did I know that my journey was only beginning!
